Singlehood in the 20s:  A Commentary

By Gia Bellard

I’m single and I’m happy, depending on what day of the week it is. Besides, it sounds so much better to say your single and happy rather than single and sad. Truth is...I’m okay with not having anyone at the moment. Well, today I am. I try and look at my relationships from a realistic point of view. When the family isn’t pressuring me, and my friends aren't making me feel left out, I’m pretty content with my current dating status. Do I want to fall in love? YES! Do I want to be in a relationship? Yes. Am I willing to settle just for the sake of saying I’m involved with someone? Hmmm…MAYBE! But, does that make any sense? Who knows…

When I'm lonely, it's usually when I'm bored. And when I'm bored, I tend to think about being lonely and over-analyze my situation with constant contemplation over what my friends have. The bottom line is…I don't know what I want. Is the fear of rejection holding me back? Are the past experiences I've had with men forcing me to look at relationships as a one-way ticket to the same ol, same ol? Ugh! I digress. 

Yes. It's my fault I'm single. Not that it's a bad thing. But, turning down dates and giving guys the runaround can get pretty old and tiresome. Eventually, no more phone calls, e-mails, text messages, and suddenly you realize, you've ran this one away…AGAIN! Then the golden thoughts come into play - you know, the things we tell ourselves to make us feel better and psych ourselves out of guilt: Well...if he really was interested, he wouldn't have given up so quickly. Yes, men love a challenge. A headache is what they don't want. 

There's a big difference in challenging a man and wearing him out. The objective is to keep him around, not scare him away, and I have been there and done that. I made a mistake. I'm still learning. I'm good. I’ve only been in love once, and it didn't work. Knowing why it didn't work was the highlight of the relationship. It was the perfect date I never had with him, complete with a candlelit dinner and fireworks, a moment alone with me and my heart, mending with the God's honest truth. The dessert is moving on!!

Yes, being single can suck!! I'd be lying if I said it doesn't. It's human nature to want someone there. It's natural to want someone to cuddle with and talk to. But, at the same time, a relationship is about trust and sacrifice. So, I would never date someone out of necessity or just to say I have a boyfriend. That's selfish and really defeats the purpose of two people growing to fall in love. I'm sure women and men do it all the time. That's their business. For me, I want to know that I'm worthy of that person's time and vice versa. It's responsible, respectful, and it lays the foundation for a healthy relationship. Forcing anything will usually end up in heart break. You or him will rebel. 

I’m a 'let it flow' chick. I say, if it's meant to be it will happen. Whatever that is. In the meantime, I will work on being the best woman I can be and try not to wallow in self-pity of what I have and don't have. There’s always room for improvement. The more fabulous I become in the process, the greater that man will be for me - a result of self-reflection. I’m loving the way that sounds, and I prefer to wait, take my time, and get mines when I’m good and ready.